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Self Portrait :: Surrender

August 21, 2020 | By: Alexis McKeown Portrait

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So this year's been a bit of a rollercoaster, hey? 

I thought I had the whole 'take it a day at a time' / 'make the best of things' / 'roll with the punches' thing figured out, but I was wrong. There are expectations I've set up in some areas of my life that I've been having a hard time letting go of, or even realizing that I had such a tight grip on. This strange and uncertain time we're in is making it so challenging to find the line between setting goals/making plans/dreaming dreams (which I've always loved to do) and setting ourselves up for disappointment. I'm not sure I was even really aware of how closely I tie my sense of self up with my plans and goals. It's only in seeing those plans and goals evaporated by a completely unpredictable situation that I'm realizing how attached I've been to some of them. I'm learning that the only way for me to stay sane is to learn to surrender. To let go. To keep moving forward without getting caught up in expired scripts. To hang on to hope, but release the rest (is that possible?) To get more comfortable with just not knowing (which I suppose we never really did, anyway, right?)

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